Month: July 2018

Eureka – I Have Found It. <3

 

The last week has consisted of a super-awkward “funeral”, the arrival of my most-perfect and beautiful niece, JD growling softly while sleeping as I run my fingers through that thick, velvety head of hair, and the various days of work and dog park and going out for a little reprieve.

We escaped to Eureka Springs for several days and enjoyed the art and hippies and witchery. It’s an enchanting little town filled with an odd mix of  the nicest people you’ll ever meet. We floated together in the giant hot tub in our room every single night and ate funnel cakes and fudge until both our pancreas-bits were screaming. We spelunked in Ozark caves and bought too many crystals and fell into bed every night so full of each other that I may have permanent dents.

I thought the past week would leave a scar but no. It’s just a sunburn.

And it’s already healing.

 

It All Converges

My Papaw was put on comfort care this morning. He’s got 4 days, maybe a week left.

He was lucid when I got there saying, “I sure am glad to see you”.  I was glad he was awake enough to know who I was. It won’t be long though. Not at all.

My Dad was there. It was awkward and awful.

I’m so full of emotions I don’t know what to process first. My poor sister is so stressed out with everything and will deliver my niece any day now. I’m worried for her.

My other Grandpa, the one on my Mom’s side, is also dying.

I keep thinking about how 2 deaths and a birth will all happen any day now…and how my life somehow morphed over the last few years into a life where All The Big Events converge into a week. Like there is a bottleneck on my spiritual calendar or whoever is driving the boat wants to see how much they can shove in my throat before I choke.

I haven’t choked yet.

And I won’t.

Need a Little Time to Wake Up

Coffee.

I woke up extra early this morning for no good reason. The glow on my phone said it was 5:30am and I had a “fuck it” moment and decided to walk Bella and get my blood pumping.

I finally saw the Doc yesterday about my hand and my suspicion was confirmed. Years ago, while in an argument, someone who was screaming that they loved me gripped my now-mangled hand in theirs and crushed one of the tiny crumbs of carpal making a patchwork just near my thumb. My body has tried in vain since then to reabsorb the crushed pieces but instead, for its valiant efforts, I now have a raging case of arthritis and a bit of a bruised ego.

I told myself for years I was just being a drama queen about it. Guess I showed myself, huh?

Also on my mind today: Donald Trump is a fucking traitor. I want some metal drinking straws since all these restaurants are saving the turtles by not providing them anymore. I bought a purse in my sleep but it ended up being cute so I’ll keep it. I’m thinking about going back to school for my PhD, or maybe a PsyD. The L’Occitane Immortelle cream I got for my face has worked some damned miracles. JD will be here in a couple of days and I hope we wear each other out with sex, cuddling, good food, and getting the rest of my big furniture loaded up and home to Atlanta.

That’s all for my happy heart this morning. <3

 

Grrrowl?!

God, I used to “rage against the dying of the light” like it was out of fucking style.

The last 2 years have been the most stressful and wonderful of my life. I am exhausted. My creative fires flicker every now and again but they don’t burn steadily like I want them to…like they used to.

I feel like I am constantly on the go with work and traveling and cleaning and dieting and just the every day minutiae that always seems so much more important than “Hey Bitch, why don’t you sit down and funnel some of those warm fuzzies into an essay…or a painting…or hell, ANYTHING?”

So here I am. With a brand-new blog.

Clean white pillowcase just waiting for my makeup smears.

Hellcat? Are you still in there?