If I was fancy, I’d add a song here to capture the feeling of being up at 4:30am, Spotify blasting a sleepy-sounding love song, hot coffee, and soft snores creeping out from under the bedroom door.
I’m so tired lately. Physically and mentally. This is providing an intense conundrum for my spirit because she…she is NOT tired. My spirit is ready to GO GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOO! She wants to pack boxes and decorate and plan mini-vacations and take up new exercise routines and join some local groups and go to more strip-tease classes and learn to knit and write music and bake exotic breads and paint the entire inside of this house.
She lives in the upstairs of the most energetic part of my mind where everything can be accomplished and everything is possible. Her grumpy downstairs neighbor is my physical self and that particular neighbor is having NONE of this. Grumpy downstairs neighbor is a body that wakes up in pain a lot of days, not enough sleep, and long hot baths where she escapes the crunchy joints for up to 2 hours at a time.
They say it’s “probably rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia.” Great. Thanks for that “probably going to affect you for the rest of your life” pep talk there, doc. I sound grumpier about that than I actually am because it’s more of a truthful annoyance than a “ZOMG…I’m going to be one of those people who are constantly in pain!” Because we’re all in pain on some level, right? And body pain can be managed. It’s pain in the heart or the mind that I cringe to think about. Thank Goddess my mind and heart are living in a nice duplex on “We’re doin’ alright” street at the moment.
My job takes a lot out of me. I work with a couple of people who are energy vampires and you know how darkness loves its sunshine. When I think about the fact that I’ve been at the company for 9 months now, I do realize I am getting better at shielding myself from the vacuum of people who really, REALLY need some hobbies. Or friends. Or therapy. But I do love my job for the most part. They pay me well and I’m comfortable. I will retire there, I think. Only 25-ish years to go.
We are house-hunting. Meeting with our realtor and our money man and a stack of newly-listed houses in a nice community here in Atlanta.
My house wishlist is as follows:
- 4 bedrooms/ 2.5 or 3 bathrooms
- 2 car garage
- a nice, big kitchen with lots of counter space
- big closets
- a small-ish fenced yard for the dogs
- a quiet neighborhood with mature trees and beautiful streets
I’ve come across a perfect little witchy house but there is too much work to be done so keeping our eyes out for something a little more move-in ready.
In a perfect world, the house would have built-ins, no stairs, a sunroom, a soaker tub, and a giant screened-in porch where I could camp out late at night with my hot tea, book, blankets, and snoring dogs. JD would be beside me in a hammock built for two and we’d read to one another, nap, and feel the breezes of being happy rock us to sleep.
See, even in all my tired days and nights…I still dream.
That’s how you know you are alive. <3